Felicity is currently at an extremely fun age, where she is really starting to develop a strong personality and communicate her needs and opinions more clearly. She is even establishing a sense of style and likes the opportunity to choose which shoes she wears - whether it be her sequined Hello Kitty! shoes, any of her colorful Crocs, or her new light-up purple sneakers.
She also loves to test the limits in order to see what reactions she will get from us and what the consequences of her actions will be. I know that is par for the course for her age, but it can still be trying for us as her parents. I have read that it is important to respond consistently so that she can learn the black and white rules more quickly, but I am quickly learning that there are so many subtleties to life that often her actions fall into a grey area.
For example, one of Felicity's favorite tests involves hitting. Although on the surface, it sounds like a pretty easy subject, it can be very complicated when you look at it from the eyes of a toddler. If she hits me on the face or with anger, it is easy to respond, "No, not nice," but if she hits me on the hand, I do not know whether she is being aggressive or giving me a high-five. (It makes me wish that I waited until she was older to introduce the concept of the high-five and fist-bump. j/k)
Recently, Felicity has become more intentionally aggressive towards us, which primarily involves scratching or hitting our faces. Because it is important for her to learn that that type of behavior is not nice and that she should not treat her parents (or friends at school) like that, we decided that it was time to start implementing the dreaded "Time Out!"
The first true Time Out experience was this past Saturday. We were playing and she decided that it would be fun to hit my face. After the first time, I told her it was "not nice" and that she should not do it again. That response caused her to laugh and immediately hit me again - this time even harder. I then threatened the time out - "It is not nice to hit Mommy. If you do it again, we are going to put you in Time Out." It didn't surprise me that she thought that was hilarious and interpreted it as an invitation to hit me again. I then immediately led her to the front entry way, and sat her down on the floor in a quiet spot for a one-minute Time Out. I got down to her eye-level and explained that it was not nice to hit Mommy and that she hurt Mommy's face and feelings. I then told her that she would need to sit in Time Out for an entire minute. While she did a good job staying in place and sitting where I told her to, she cried pathetically the entire minute and seemed very sorry to have gotten in trouble. Unfortunately, the results didn't last long. As soon as that minute was up and I told her that Time Out was over, she jumped up, gave me a big smile, and ran up to me with her hands waving franctically in the direction of my face trying to land another hit as quickly as possible. Oh bother....
It was clear on Sunday that she had not forgotten that Time Out. At one point in the morning, she hit me inappropriately and then before I could respond, pointed in the direction of her Time Out spot. I asked her if she thought she needed a Time Out for hitting Mommy, and she replied sweetly, "Mmmm, hmmm." Then, as I led her to her little spot, she started crying and cried for the first 30 seconds of her Time Out. The next 30 seconds were filled with attempts to crawl away and calling out to "DaDa" to be saved.
By the end of the weekend, I think she had received three legitimate Time Outs, several more threats of Time Out, and at least one self-inficted bite wound. Although she just turned 21 months this weekend, I am already starting to wonder how we will survive the "Terrible Twos."
Parenting is tough. There is no getting around it. Every day has its own set of challenges and there is no way to fully prepare for the parenting decisions that will need to be made at a second's notice. As frustrating as it can be, however, all it takes is one sweet smile and I am quickly reminded that my sweet Felicity is a blessing and one of the greatest joys of my life. I mean, look at this smile...doesn't your heart just melt?!?
